I started a joke

Past few days i haven't been able to sleep. i know i'm tired but i just can't sleep . ALot of thoughts going through my head. feeling upset and angry.
Why does everything seem so normal . At least the people around me seem to act tat way. Like that never happened like it was nothing like i never existed.
Is not like i want ppl to act differently or wat but at least be more sensitive about it. i don't know.. it can be in a good way but still i feel like i never existed .
i feel like the biggest joke ever. Why do i let things like that happen to me.
3 yrs ago i told myself not to ever let anyone or anything make me feel that way but here i am 3 yrs after telling myself the same thing.